Never Will Be

Yeah I know I haven't been blogging lately but that's because I had things going on, one being my roomie's baby mama been staying with us until she delievers which she finally did thank god and other things. And then I was going out of town for a couple of days to hang out with some friends and hopefully hook up with one of them which I did a couple of times which leds to this post.

The guy I hooked up with who's gonna be S from now on, was one of my best friend's friends since ever and he was like dude you two would be perfect for each other which we kinda were in a way. So I started talking to the dude and we hit it off right the way. He was the push that made me actually go up there to see my friend which were already playing around with the idea but never actually thought would happened. But we got our plans set for two months ahead of time so I can get off from work and shit. So for those two months I got to know S really well to the point we were sexting all the time and it was fun. I began to fall for him fast, he was perfect to me.

So I go up there to visit both friends and we got along perfectly in real life because you know you may get along with someone online and when you meet in person, you're like omg he's hella annoying and shit. But not with this one, it just felt natural to be with him. And we fucked, a couple of times. Suuuure it wasn't the greatest sex, it was kinda along the forgetable kind but the last guy was eh the first couple of times until we got in tune with each other and it turned to be great sex, so eh sex at first is kinda whatever with me.

I drive back home (which was an 10 hour drive) while I keep in contract with him via text all the way and everything was still perfect. Then I got home I got this text "Hey do u want to hook up?" and in my head I was yes but then I reason with my self so I called him and we talked about it and decided I should think it over seeing we do live like 10 hours away from each other and all. So I thought about it which I should never think because me thinking always leds to trouble with me.

I started thinking about my last relationship and how he was like oh we're just seeing each so you're not my girlfriend and so we can see other people if we want. So we started talking about it and I never said no but just talking lead to a no. In my mind, everything was supposed to go differently you know, like he would say I want you to be my girlfriend and I want only you, yada yada yada. I'm a pisces okay, we're dreamers and I'm a biiiiig one. But I should know whatever I dream about always tend to go the opposite way. So now we're just gonna be good friends which I'm gonna be but it's just gonna hurt.

After all that I came to a conclusion that I will never be someone's girlfriend. I been around for 23 years and I'm yet to be one. I'm destined to be an old crazy cat lady who yell at kids and talks to herself. Sure I would date some guys but they would never want to be hey let make this more exclusive because you're the only one for me and that shit. So I should stop living my life in the clouds and come down to earth because maybe that would keep my heart from breaking as much as it does.

In Honest Truth,
NQT